Category Archives: Humour

DNE Certification

Ever since people started playing with electronic equipment in the early 20th century, it’s been known that electronic equipment runs on smoke. If the smoke escapes, the equipment stops working.

Sometimes, the manner of the smoke escaping is discreet and quiet, other times it escapes forcefully.

Whilst it is said that any machine can be a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough, it is none the less desirable for machines to refrain from letting their magic smoke out (either explosively or otherwise) in normal operation.

Clearly this principle has resonated with other manufacturers, as a quick look on Aliexpress reveals among the list of features for this equipment

Not Exploding is an attribute we look for in electronic equipment. This manufacturer seems proud to advertise the fact

Accordingly we introduce the DNE certification mark: DNE for Does Not Explode.

Henceforth all our amplifiers will be carrying this mark.

Does Not Explode certification mark

Amplifier Horoscope eCommerce Service

Today I am pleased to announce my latest offering to the audiophile community.

  • Are you looking for a new way to give your system that “edge”?
  • Do you already have the best cables connecting your system?
  • Are your CD players already on isolating feet? 
  • Have you already traced the edges of your CDs with the special pen? 
  • Does your turntable weigh more than a small car already?

Have you experienced the crushing disappointment when you describe all the audiophile tweaks you’ve made, only to find someone else who has already done exactly the same?

Here at ATR Audio Designs, we feel you. The frustration is real. If only there was something more you could do, to give your system an extra advantage.

Well now, there is. At least for those of you with valve/vacuum-tube based amplifiers, that is.

For the first time ever, we have brought the benefits of the ancient art of astrology to the audiophile community.

Using a patented process combining astrology with hysterio-magnetic resonance analysis and flux emission tomographic spectral emissivity coupling, we can now offer horoscopes for individual amplifier components with unprecedented accuracy.
In simple terms, here’s how it works:

  1. Sign into our website and create an account for yourself (or use your Google or Facebook ID)
  2. With your amplifier cool, unplug the valves/tubes one-by-one, and make a note of the tube type, manufacturer, and the date stamp or code on the tube
  3. Using a compass, determine the magnetic heading your amplifier is pointing to
  4. Input this information into our site 

That’s all it takes! Our patented algorithms will get right to work, calculating the optimum time to listen to your amplifier, based on the manufacture date of the tubes and the influence of the Earth’s magnetic field at your given location, in the electron emissions inside the tube.

We will then produce a report which amounts to a horoscope for your amplifier. Complete with predictions for the next 3 months of which days you can expect the best results from your amplifier.

You will also have the option of subscribing to our site, this will add you to our mailing list and every three months we will automatically send you another horoscope as long as your subscription is active. 

Price list

Amplifier Type: Single Ended

Output tube type: 6550, KT66, KT88, 6L6GC, EL34 etc:
Initial Report: $US 1995.00
Monthly Subscription: $US295

Output Tube Type: 300B
Initial Report: $US4995.00
Monthly Subscription: $US495

Output Tube Type: T1610
Initial Report: $US19,995.00
Monthly Subscription: $US1995.00

Amplifier Type: Push-pull
Output tube type: EL84, 6550, KT66, KT88, 6L6GC, EL34 etc
Initial report: $US99.00
Monthly Subscription: Please make a donation to the Onion or Clickhole